Co-Parenting During Divorce: Supporting Your Children Through Change

Divorce changes the structure of a family, but it doesn’t change the fact that children need stability, love, and support from both parents. How you and your co-parent handle the transition can make a significant difference in your child’s experience.

Here are key principles to keep in mind if you’re co-parenting during or after a divorce.

Keep Children Out of the Middle

Children should not feel like messengers, negotiators, or judges between their parents.

Avoid:

• Asking them to deliver messages back and forth

• Speaking negatively about the other parent in front of them

• Having adult conversations about court or money within earshot

Keeping conflict away from your child is one of the most protective things you can do.

Communicate Directly and Respectfully

Even if your relationship with the other parent is strained, clear communication helps everyone—especially the child. Consider:

• Using email or parenting apps if in-person or phone conversations are too tense

• Sticking to child-related topics: schedules, school, health, activities

• Confirming important agreements in writing

Judges pay attention to each parent’s willingness and ability to communicate about the child.

Maintain Routines When Possible

Divorce is a major change. Routines offer a sense of safety. Try to:

• Keep consistent bedtimes, school routines, and activities

• Ensure your child has what they need in both homes

• Coordinate on homework, medical appointments, and school events

Stability in daily life helps children adjust, even when schedules are shared between two households.

Be Honest, But Age-Appropriate

Children can usually sense when something is wrong. It’s okay to acknowledge that changes are happening, while still reassuring them that they are loved and not to blame.

• Avoid blaming language

• Stick to simple, age-appropriate explanations

• Reassure your child that both parents will continue to care for them

If needed, counseling or child-focused therapy can also be helpful.

Co-Parenting and Legal Planning Go Hand in Hand

A strong parenting plan and clear time-sharing schedule provide structure for your co-parenting relationship. When expectations are clear, there’s less room for confusion or conflict.

If your current plan no longer fits your child’s needs, you may be able to request a modification.

Need Guidance on Parenting Plans and Divorce?

If you need individual guidance on co-parenting or child-related issues, we encourage you to schedule a consultation to discuss your specific situation.

[Contact us to schedule a consultation.]